Revisiting Late Adolescence

It seems that I am falling back into the 'checking if there's anyone online I can talk to' state of things. I used to do that a lot when IRC chats were all the rage. At least now the people who I am seeking out are people that I know and not anonymous strangers, though I could probably do with anonymous strangers.

I have heard that they are declaring the end of solitude due to all this social networking and blogging. I would like to declare a crisis state of alienation. It's all good that there is an online interactive place for people to voice their opinions.. let's face it though, it's not that same things as meeting friends at the pub of having a discussion with someone else in your living room.

Here's what I am really saying: I am lonely.

There is a person who's presence is greatly desired thought impossible due to geographic realities. I will be switching cities in a few weeks- going even further away though when there's already an ocean as an obstacle, what's another 4 timezones?

Oh blah, I'll go to sleep at some point and wake up with a better outlook. This is just a bit of drivel, that's all.

Here was the poster for my exhibition.
This is a samples of 4 of the prints that
were on display

Hard work rewarded, maybe

That was over a year's hard work that is now showing itself off quite nicely. I will be taking my exhibition down on Saturday. The opening went very well and I have had a lot of positive comments. Sales, however, are another story.

This section of the country isn't very well known for supporting artists, well the ones that don't paint lighthouses and sunsets, in any case. But I knew this. I studied fine arts here and I am well aware of the narrow market. The images that I have selected for this show were pleasing yet not commercial. They still fit into my aesthetic while not being too dark or cryptic. As far as I know, I have two, maybe three people that I know which want to buy a piece.

Now for a bit of maths: the paper, ink and frames cost somewhere around $800Cad. Now if I sell 3 of them, I might make $250, depending on the ones selected. Now, I am of a creative mind, I'm not so good with numbers, but there is a clear gap between the cost and revenue here.

Once I take the exhibition down, I may get some interest as someone, somewhere might be waiting for the exhibition to be over in order to purchase something. Though as it stands, the results aren't very gratifying.

Shall we call it reality? Now that the world's gone digital, it's easy to print something out and stick it on your wall. Home decoration stores are full of ready-to hang art that will complement your home's colour scheme. Let us not forget that people may not have as much spare cash as they used to.

The sad reality will remain that I have a fresh batch of prints that I will zip up in a case and store in a cupboard for a number of years. They will be good company to the prints that I had done as a student.

Pessimism, or realism?

How do I manage..

Question:
What idiot books a train to go away on a day that they are working?

Answer:
Me.

I wonder how non exchangeable and refundable are non exchangeable, non refundable tickets. I'm guessing not very.

Or I could just quit my job...

.. Not yet.

Mandatory update- what am I still doing working here?

Yes, I have been asking myself this question lately. I suppose the answer is working as working and making decent money now (hard to find a good paying job in these parts) means that I will have better opportunities later. I will be having a random day off later this week in order to work on some artwork for an upcoming exhibition- should be good. I don't devote enough time to it as it is. I think work sucks away most of my energy at the moment.

Sometimes little perks can make things go a bit better though as I have purchase some soapstuff at Lush. It makes bathing all that much more stress reducing and soothing. It makes you go 'Ahh' at the end of a day.

OK, I am realizing that I am quite tired and it is time for a shower and then bed.

Things for me to work on:
not going to bed at 10pm on a Friday night- that's two in a row.
Did I mention that work was taking a lot of energy out?

I guess that's it for the summer...

There is now a chill in the air in the morning, school's on again- that's it for the summer. Some of it was fun, the weather was nice- eventually and now it's going to be leaves changing and brisk winds on the hills. I'm not specifically complaining as the autumns are lovely here.. If anything I should give myself a swift kick and get organised for what I wand to do. The season's phlegmy cold has come and gone and I am now getting some energy for more than just work.

On the subject of work: I have starting a new job. Pays well but it's absolute chaos in the moment. so much for vowing not to work in a call centre as right now, that's almost what it is. Things'll calm down and it will get better; I just hope I can handle it until then. It does pay a good wage though. That means I can start paying my student loan again soon.

I have also moved into a new place. It's now a tiny apartment, cozy though. I just would like to have a room bigger than 8x10feet. at least it has a closet- which is now stacked full of art supplies, records and other things I don't have space for.

It is a bit sad to be living in such a small space but at least that I get along with my new roommate so I spend much more time in the shared spaces.

Just to break up the pessimism a bit...

Look at that, I start a job on Monday.

And have found a place to move to on Sept 1st.

It does take a while to get settled, doesn't it?

Did I say that it can't get very much worse?

Status: still un-employed
Moral radar: not very optimistic

I have worked a few weeks though a temp agency- which is how I was able to afford to pay my rent for this month. I have been looking for permanent full-time work, it just happens that most of what is on offer are low paying jobs or work in a call centre. I have done the call centre thing a few times. I can handle about 3 or 4 months of it before resigning. I would rather not re-live this kind of work experience.. and re-living is what you do, call after call, after call!

What are the options? I've gotten a few interviews, one job I know I didn't get and another I should find out Tuesday, as Monday's a bank holiday. The salary is OK but still a bit less that what I would like to have.

If I don't hear anything by Tuesday afternoon, I will contact the temp agencies to tell them that I am able to commit to whatever one week, one month or longer contract that they can offer.
Hope it's not reception work, I really hate reception work. That seems to be all that is available at times.


Oh and the shared house I'm living in is currently on sale and we are all being evicted on October 1st. It would be best if I can try to leave for September 1st as sometimes sales can go quickly..
One must keep in mind the fact that I have less than a months rent in my account and not a penny to put towards deposit- not happening is it?

I'm not going to say that things can't get much worse because they probably will. Let's keep things in perspective, I've got a good stock of food at the moment and I have a couple weeks before I have to worry about generating more rent money.
And there's always the dead in a ditch scenario- so by default, things aren't that bad.

Le pigeon

I live in a shared house where I spend most of my time at home in my room. I've gotten quite used to living in shared houses or shared flats, as it happens. More recently, I rather not socialise with my housemates too much. I would prefer having moved in with complete strangers in a bigger city. Why is that? If everyone's a stranger, there's a sense of neutrality, one doesn't feel like they are walking into a situation in the sitting room where they are not welcomed, where they are intruding.. Or where they are seeing a housemate fisting an inflatable sheep. Does that shock you? Sorry about that, it apparently shouldn't disturb me at all as talking about genitals at the diner table is standard issue. Not surprisingly, I spend a lot of time in my room. Does it interest anyone to know that there is a mob of pigeons that live on the chimney next door and that at any given moment I listen to them coo and fight. As least I haven't seem them f*ck yet.
And I can't afford to move out.

On another note- how often can someone find themselves either completely out of money or unemployed in a year. I seem to be topping the list of achievements there.
It's strange to think that I am very money-cautious and that I generally make my decisions based on bettering my life. It plainly doesn't always work out.
I suppose I must plod along and hope for the best, can't get all of the worst situations all of the time.

Living under the radar

It's amazing how difficult it can be to get sorted out.

I've quit my job, went to visit family on the other end of the country, confirmed the fact that I don't really enjoy the company of children, come back, nearly ran out of money - And now it's a temp job for a couple weeks and hope that everything doesn't go belly-up.

There's hope still, somewhere.
I've got a goal in mind so that helps.

Oh and how's this for a tourism poster, the image of a man being dragged to the street while bleeding profusely from the head.
'Vancouver, it's not just the east side that will make you want to turn away and walk the other way'

Wouldn't that make a lovely brochure?

Didn't think so.

Where did I go wrong...

Yes, I worry too much about things. That may be the cause of the results that I regret so much but if you worry about not doing much in your life, it'll push you to act, to do something, to travel.
As well, worrying might cause things to end before they really had to. I don't really know what I'm trying to say through this load of shite- I know I am often the cause of my unhappiness and I make my way trying to find something better or a better place, and I keep coming back to where I left off.
I wish it were otherwise but I can't change international law.

I also can't control the way other people feel or give them motivation to meet me half way.

Now I can concentrate on creation once more and devote a lot of time and money on things that will ultimately end up taking space in a portfolio in a cupboard somewhere.
I wish things didn't feel so much like a lost cause.

Oh and I also know that no one reads this.

Feels a bit Ironic writing it down. It's just a rant among many, really.

Exhibitionist, well, not exactly.

I would have posted a short while ago but I keep forgetting what I use tosign on here..
Anyhow, New year, tons of snow so far- and probably loads more to come.
I have to say that there's been a lot of feeling lonesome lately, as per usual but one must keep busy. I really need to find a pair of used skates somewhere in order to take advantage of this land of snow and ice rather than just have the elements pelt down at you for a whole season.

Oh and it seems that it is possible to get stuff out of storage to show it to the world- finally. This solo exhibition is a first and hopefully it won't be the last.

Why don't you call me, I feel like flying too!

Christmass day and I've spent the last couple days alone. I'm off to a friend's to have a bunch of drinks soon- but I can't help but feel that this place it too small. There's no real place to go so I just dace around like a nutter in my one-bedroom flat. I yearn to get moving but it seems that'll have to wait.

Now if I can just find the cords that connect my scanner and get started on some screenprinting..

Until that gets sorted out, I'll be grooving out alone.

Here we are again!

Hello world, after a few modifications, here we are with a way to keep in touch. And no, this is not facebook, thank feck for that! I don't have time for a tousand little games and things that live online.

Here's my little space to comment on things and let people know that I still exist somewhere.

I've been skipping around quite a bit over the last while. I am now back in Canada and will make the east coast my home again for at least a year.

And the search for work and a place to live begins. Ok, so it has already begun. This can be a slow process...